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We've been friends for more than 20 years, a person who's overcome several obstacles, which I admire. But, she's repeatedly taken by surprise by people. Her spouse left her, and it was an unexpected event. Many of close acquaintances vanished then, as they were drawn to her husband. This surprised her deeply. She made increased attention in our friendship, likely realised more acutely what friendship was.

A Recurring Theme In Relationships

In the time since, several close to her vanished leaving her knowing the cause. Her previous job became hostile, despite the fact that she had been an excellent employee, she departed unaware of what had changed.

Current Dynamics

In recent times, we've both retired leading to more time together, however, I feel the part I play in our friendship is to listen. I introduce topics of conversation but she shifts them to things she cares about. Politically, she has unyielding views. I try to propose verifying facts and alternate views.

She's been organizing a holiday abroad I've visited many times even called home previously. I attempted to share advice, however, my input unappreciated. She really just desired my agreement with her decisions. I've just ended 30 days there she is eager to meet, yet I'm reluctant.

Considering the Choices

I hesitate to be a friend who cuts and runs without a word, however, I feel she will ever grasp the effect of her behaviour on how I feel about myself. Currently, my state is pulling back. How should I proceed?

Possible Paths

You could walk away, but it is seldom a smooth outcome we imagine. Yet having a direct talk with a view to resolution requires bravery and readiness on both your parts.

Therapists recommend applying a effective method for resolving disputes:

"Initially requires explaining how things go in your conversations. It should be as factual as possible and essentially an unbiased account. Next is to tell her how it leaves you feeling. This allows for no dispute about this. Your feelings are valid, of course. The third step involves requesting how you are both will alter the pattern of your friendship."

Consider that she also has her own side, so you need to be prepared to acknowledge it. One effective method is to say your friend:

"Now you talk and I'm going to not say anything for 30 minutes."

This can be impactful to encourage mutual respect.

Final Thoughts

Your friend may dismiss all you say, as some people have a self-protecting mindset: they maintain a story of their life they're unable to release since their identity is tied to it being the only thing familiar to them. This is difficult as there is no thoroughfare in such cases, only cul-de-sacs. But she may initially present like this before reflecting on your words. And should you never reach a resolution, it provides peace from having been honest with her.