Late-Night Hosts Take Aim At Trump's New 'Gold Card' Immigration Plan

Television's prominent hosts spent the evening mocking former President Donald Trump's newly launched immigration initiative, labeled the "Trump card," characterizing it as a obvious pay-to-play system for the rich.

The Late Show's Sarcastic Spin

Kicking off his broadcast, Stephen Colbert offered a mock holiday tune directed at the commander-in-chief. "He's making a list, checking it twice, then handing that list to the people at ICE," he sang. "Trump ... destroys all he handles."

The subject was the new initiative which enables foreign individuals to purchase U.S. residence for an investment of one million dollars, or "platinum" tier for $5 million. A government portal guarantees approval "in record time."

"A brief message for you to affluent immigrants: prior to you pony up, maybe think about Canada?" Colbert joked.

He pointed out that the program is also designed to "squeeze cash" from companies wanting to hire foreign workers, requiring significant costs. "That is a lot of fees, but if you sign up, you additionally get free accommodation at a property of your selection – provided that it's the a specific Marriott," he added.

"The best screening the U.S. government has ever done," stated Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "a $15,000 vetting to make sure these people completely meet the standard to be in America."

"That's important, you gotta prove you're suitable to be an American," Colbert deadpanned. "Question one: how many hamburgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"

Jimmy Kimmel's Scathing Roast

On his late-night show, Jimmy Kimmel dubbed the initiative the "U.S. Access Express Card."

"It's a card that will allow affluent international individuals to live here," he said. "For a million bucks, you get official visitor status, you get a pathway to citizenship, and a presidential pardon for one significant crime of your choosing."

"It might be time to revise that poem on the Statue of Liberty – to hell with your tired masses. Pay a million bucks, you're in!" he joked.

Kimmel lampooned the lack of detail of the application, observing it is "tougher to start a Wordle account." He said that Trump "believes citizenship is something you can sell, like a condo."

"Indeed, the top people are the rich people," Kimmel quipped. "It's what Jesus constantly said! Read it in the Bible. He says it's simpler for a camel to go through the eye of a needle provided that you give the needle a million dollars."

Seth Meyers discussing Grocery Struggles

Meanwhile, Seth Meyers focused on Trump's declining approval numbers during financial concerns. "Voters gave Donald Trump a second term since they were mad about the economy," he explained.

This week, in a bid to address cost of living, Trump conducted a briefing in front of a array of grocery items, where he behaved oddly to some cereal.

"These look great, I think I'm going to take a few of them back to my cottage and have a lot of fun," Trump said. "Such as the Cheerios, I haven't seen Cheerios in a while."

"He's so fucking weird," Meyers responded. "What do you mean, you're going to take them back to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What exactly happens with those Cheerios?"

Meyers wrapped up by mocking conservative media arguments of Trump's economic performance. "Maybe rather than complaining, you should give him a sparkling trophy like what FIFA did," he remarked.